To err is human

that's why there are editors

You may not know this, but in my spare time I am a copy editor. That means I read things other people have written and I fix all the grammatical, punctuation, and usage mistakes. What kind of twisted person enjoys a job like that? I do. I get a dopamine hit with every correction.

My family knows this about me and they love me anyway. In fact, my skills came in handy when my kids were in college. I was the in-house proofreader.

I keep a folder of photos on my computer’s desktop of errors my kids spot in the wild. I love that they share my passion for correct English—or maybe they’re just humoring me. Either way, it makes me smile.

You must dress up to use the bathroom.

My mother was an English teacher, and I remember my grandmother laughing about mistakes she saw in the newspaper back when they still printed those. One day she told my mother she’d been reading an article about owls, and it said they were “wonton killers.” I’m almost 100% sure they meant wanton killers, but I guess there’s an outside chance owls enjoy Asian food. She laughed about that for years.

And speaking of newspapers, a few years ago I saw a headline that read, “Brown turned himself into police late Sunday and was released after posting bail.” and I immediately thought, “That’s amazing! How did he do that?” One missing space changes the meaning entirely.

Then there was this oh-so-common misspelling which is fine if you’re looking for fast coffee or want to be laughed at by the Italians:

Please, please don’t ever spell this with an x.

My younger son sent me this one. Was it in the program at someone’s funeral? A church bulletin?

A few more of my favorites:

Make it stop.

I used to think sportscasters were the worst (they usually are), but this from The Weather Channel in 2018 was so extraordinary I saved the screenshot.

Has underwent?

This is just a disaster all around:

Pre-spellcheck.

And the fact that the production of this sign took the collaboration of multiple people is alarming:

Riding . . . are prohibited.

And finally, this gem was handed to me the last time I applied for life insurance:

Someone please let the examiner out.

Years ago I read a book called The Great Typo Hunt, in which two buddies travel America with Sharpies and White-Out and correct mistakes on public signs everywhere they go. I thoroughly enjoyed it and could see myself doing the same thing if I were young and without adult responsibilities. One of their last corrections involved a permanent sign in a national park, and they were subsequently charged with defacing federal property. Their quest to raise the American grammatical bar didn’t end like they hoped it would. But doesn’t that sound like fun? Imagine the dopamine hits!

Three of my favorite books (this and this and this) were written by Bill Walsh, the late copy editor at the Washington Post, who I actually got to meet IRL at the American Copy Editors Society conference in 2015. He taught me that you can be a language snob without being a jerk—at least I hope I’ve learned that. Thanks, Bill.

Pretty often, someone will send me a message and apologize on the front end for the improper grammar or misspellings that are coming. I wish that didn’t happen. I don’t ever want anyone to feel less-than. I’m what they call pathologically kind and want everyone to get a trophy.

Have you ever seen the T-shirt that says “I’m silently correcting your grammar”? I wish I could say that wasn’t true, but it is like a sickness that cannot be cured. I can’t not see errors when they pop up in life, but I promise I won’t be a jerk about them. I will never embarrass you or call you out publicly, unless you’re paying me to edit. Then I make no promises.

But please, if you ever see mistakes in the wild, please snap a photo and send it along. It may be featured in an upcoming episode of To Err Is Human!