Just hearing about the flu makes me feel anxious. There’s almost nothing I hate more than the flu (except maybe a stomach virus), and I become a psycho of hand washing and holding my breath in public places when I hear the flu is going around, and I am not even kidding. If I’m in a grocery store and I hear someone cough, I will not go down that aisle, no matter how badly I need the sun-dried tomatoes. I thank my mother for this technique.
But somehow this year all my usual strategies failed me and I wound up with the dread disease. In the history of our family, Ben has always gotten the flu first, then I get it from him. But this year I’m the guilty party who brought it into the house. I voluntarily put myself to bed and stayed in my bedroom. Ben handed liquids through the door, but mostly stayed in his basement office in an effort not to get it.
I kind of felt like I might be coming down with something two Saturdays ago, and by Sunday morning it hit me like a proverbial train—sore throat, wicked headache, body aches and chills, an aversion to food of any kind, and extreme exhaustion. It was hard to get out of bed so I didn’t. It was even hard to turn over, and I stayed in one position so long my lower back cramped up and wouldn’t let go.
But the craziest symptom I had was shaking, and this was a new one for me. My whole body felt tense and trembly. You could see my hands shake when I tried to lift a glass of water, and I could hear my voice shaking when I tried to talk. But it wasn’t just my hands, it was all of me, and it was unnerving. I mentioned it to Ben several times while I was sick but what could I do? I kept shaking.
After day five or six, I decided (unwisely) that I just needed to get up and function. By this time Ben had the flu, too, and someone had to make the vitamin C shots. The shaking was still going on, it was still unnerving, and I still had no idea why it was happening.
Then in one of my less brilliant moments, I decided we would call Vanguard to ask some questions about a retirement account (I needed Ben to be on the call with me), so I told him to stay on the couch and when I had a human, I would put us all on speaker.
Finally the human materialized on the line and I started an overly emotional rant about needing information but since the account was in my husband’s name I had him nearby to give me permission to speak for him and on and on I went almost ending up crying to the guy that for the love would you please just change our address and send me a paper statement? Even I was shocked at how quickly my emotional state escalated.
Somehow we all got through the call (without actual tears) and I got the information I needed. When I hung up, I sat next to Ben on the couch with my hands and arms shaking violently and I was definitely crying, and I said, “What on earth is wrong with me? Why can I not stop shaking? It feels just like a panic attack.” I was thinking back to the one on the airplane in which I shook and cried for 30 minutes.
And in that moment I realized the low-key shaking all along had been anxiety that had intensified into panic while I was on the phone. Obviously my window of tolerance was quite narrow already and I had reached my limit.
So I did the only logical thing: I grabbed a rice sock out of the freezer and slapped it on the back of my neck, then walked out on the back deck where the day was a balmy 21°. In and out I went, from the warm living room with a wood stove to the frigid deck, trying to get my head back into my body to overrule my runaway brain.
Then I dropped the rice sock and ran to the mudroom. I put on my scarf and down coat and called the dog. We went for a long (not really, but on day 5 of the flu it felt like miles) walk, me trying to expel excess energy out of my body. Anything to bring me back down to whatever my baseline was supposed to be.
But the time we returned to the house I was back to low-key shaking, but at least I wasn’t panicking. I texted my daughter to ask what on earth, and as she always does, she had a ready explanation. (Do yourself a favor and raise intelligent children. They are so handy at times like this.)
Me: Could a viral infection increase anxiety enough to bring on a panic attack?
Leah: Yes, because your virome (microbiome but viruses) is also in your gut, and if it gets too strong (like candida in microbiomes), it’ll mess up the neurotransmitters that get produced in the gut, so you don’t have enough calming neurotransmitters to prevent a panic attack. Trauma can also impact the virome and/or make you more susceptible to viruses.
Who knew? Certainly not me. So of course with the last vestiges of strength I possessed, I had to dive into the connection between acute viruses and anxiety/panic and there it was, all over the Internet where you would expect to find it. And it is just as Leah said.
Your gut contains trillions of bacteria (good and bad), fungi (good and bad), and viruses (yup, good and bad). When everything is nicely balanced, it all works together to keep your whole body and brain functioning happily.
But when one thing (bacteria, fungi, viruses) grows out of proportion (like when you take antibiotics and kill a lot of bacteria so the fungi grow too much), problems arise. In the case of the flu, the virus part of the equation gets too heavy and then the whole gut doesn’t work as it should. Just one of the effects of this is that neurotransmitters, which are largely produced in the gut, get thrown off and *bam* there goes your mental health. Enter anxiety and (in my case) panic attack. Hippocrates so famously said, “All disease begins in the gut.” He was on to something.
I’m not sure why this particular virus pushed me over the edge, but maybe it’s that we’ve had so many acute viruses in the last few years—at least one other flu, and several rounds of Covid.
So what can you do if this happens? Leah had an answer for that too:
Leah: HOWEVER, as with the microbiome, there are things you can do. Try a heating pad on your abdomen. It increases calming neurotransmitters. Castor oil packs are also great.
Now I know what to do the next time I get a virus and can’t stop shaking. I’ll be able to recognize it for what it is and take steps to help my body cope, and if this whole story isn’t enough to convince you that anxiety and panic are NOT just in your head but in your actual, physical body, I can’t help you.
One more thing. Friday evening the UPS truck rolled up in our driveway and left a package on the deck. Ben brought it in and started unpacking the most amazing, more-precious-than-gold gift: chicken soup from Spoonful of Comfort. I wish I’d had the presence of mind to take pictures of the whole package, but as you might discern from the previous story, my mind was occupied with bare survival.
We stood at the counter marveling over the containers of homemade chicken soup plus rolls and cookies and wondered that someone would send us such an incredibly thoughtful gift and that there was even such a thing available for mail order. And it’s delicious! The soup is better than what I made two weeks ago when Ben had a cold. The rolls are delicious and the cookies so good. We ate it all for two nights and there is still enough for tomorrow’s lunch. Thank you, Melanie, for ministering to us from afar.
Next time you know someone who is sick or in need but doesn’t live near you, do them a solid and send a gift box from Spoonful of Comfort. They will love you forever.
Joe Rogan had Dr. Mark Gordon on yesterday discussing this same topic. Microbiome (good&bad) control the neurons in our body. He’s working with veterans impacted by PSTD, anxiety, inflammation to feel better with vitamins & balanced Microbiome. I was just going to learn more when I saw your post. Leah is absolutely correct. Feel better soon, Ben too 🥰
What a terrible ordeal. It never occurred to be that a virus could trigger anxiety, but it makes perfect sense as Leah described it. Glad you're on the mend now.