On the enneagram

I am an ISFJ on the Myers-Briggs test, which means almost nothing to me. I know the I is for introvert, and I don’t know what the other letters stand for. The only reason I know where I fall on this personality assessment is that I wrote it on a piece of paper, then took a photo of it and it’s in my “future reference” folder. I’m not sure what I will ever refer to it for other than to answer the question about what four letters I am.

I am also a green on the four-color test. That means I love information and knowing why a certain thing works the way it does. I’m curious and a skeptic. While this is true of me, it doesn’t really do me any good in my everyday life; it’s just something I know about myself. When I was going to be rich in network marketing, my “uplines” tried to use this to encourage me to be “authentic,” which would have happened if I’d been able to sell supplements from a fetal position in my bathtub. That’s how much I love selling anything, even supplements that really are great and I’ve taken for almost ten years. No matter what color I am, I still hate selling anything and that’s as authentic as it gets.

I am an enneagram 9. This tells me that my core motivation is to avoid conflict at all costs and my core fear is loss of connection. In other words, I will do anything to keep anyone from being mad/irritated/miffed/frustrated with me so that I don’t feel like our relationship is less than it could be. People-pleasers-R-us.

This has actually been helpful information. It has shown me just how much of a chronic people pleaser I am and how that has formed unhealthy habits in me over my 61-so-far years, and it has helped point me in the direction of the more healthy behavior of finding my voice and expressing my thoughts and opinions like a rational human. I can see my default negative behaviors and choose to make changes that benefit not only me, but all those I am in relationship with. The knowledge I’ve gained from the enneagram is actually helpful in real life.

In the last few weeks several friends have asked for my thoughts about the enneagram and its origins, which, depending on what website you read, are either innocuous teachings by a Christian monk named Evagrius or some automatic writing by a demon.

I have heard those reports. People have sent me articles about it that I’ve read and considered. And I have thoughts about the whole issue.

First, in the articles I’ve read I don’t believe the authors really prove their points. I surmise from the things they say that they lean toward extreme views. I get a “this is scary you devil-worshipper” vibe, for lack of a better way to say it, and their opinions are not backed up by the Word of God or any historical evidence. And when they try to prove a point using scripture, they misuse and misrepresent the ones they pick. If you can back up your point with the Bible, I will totally submit, but they haven’t convinced me. 

Second, there is not a definitive “origin” that anyone has found. We can look through the writings in history and see who wrote about it and when, who used it, and who added to it, but the enneagram as a personality typing system can’t really be traced to any one person. I don’t know where they get the devil writing about it thing. See me shrugging.

Here’s where I land and what I tell people when I talk about the enneagram: it is not the Bible. Not gospel. Not God’s words. Not the final authority. It is a tool, and that’s all it is. It’s no different from Myers-Briggs or the four color personalities or any of the other personality typing systems that exist in that regard. They are all based on psychology and psychological profiles and tendencies, which we all have. God made us that way, and I for one am glad I’m not like everyone else. It’s likely that a lot of you are glad you’re not like me. I’m guessing when we get to heaven we’ll learn that God has a personality too, only his is perfect.

I happen to think the enneagram is far more helpful than any other of these systems, and here’s why: the focus of the enneagram is not to tell you what you are. That information just puts you in a box and gives you an excuse to behave badly, because after all, I’m just a (insert # or four letters or color). 

The enneagram shows you WHY you do what you do—your core motivation and core fear—so that you can see your own unhealthy habits and then change them. It shows you the box you are already in and how to get out of it. That’s the whole purpose of it.

Knowing my motivation and core fear has been useful to me in showing me the things I do that are not helpful in relationships, including my relationship with the Lord. Did you know being a people pleaser does not impress God? He wants our devotion because we love him, not because we’re trying to get on his good side. It’s also been super helpful in my relationships to others, particularly those in my family. Being a people pleaser in marriage is not a positive trait. That’s what I’ve learned in the last few years. When God made me a wife, he made me to be a “help” for my husband. You can’t help if all you are is a yes-man (or woman).

I’ve also learned in 39 years that, despite my fear of disconnection, my husband isn’t going to leave me, even if I have a mental health crisis, even if I speak my mind and disagree with him, even if I bounce a really big check. These have all happened and he’s still here telling me he loves me. So I don’t have to worry about that core fear—disconnection—which frees me up to expend emotional energy in more positive ways. Do you see how this is helpful?

The enneagram has helped me understand the people closest to me. For years I thought Ben was just a control freak. Turns out he’s an enneagram 8, and here’s the big thing about 8s: It’s not that he needs to be in control, but rather that he does not want to BE controlled. And if you knew his background/childhood like I do, you would totally get why. Understanding the difference between controlling and not wanting to be controlled has made all the difference in how I relate to him.

I could go on with stories of learning to understand my own kids and their spouses and other people we are close to, including my parents, who are 88 this year.

So yes, the enneagram is helpful. We don’t know the exact origin. Is it sometimes (often?) abused? Yes, just like anything else you put in human hands. But again, I always remind people that the enneagram is not the Bible and it’s not a substitute for scripture. If something in it differs from what God says, obviously that can be thrown out. I am not “transcending to a higher level of consciousness,” as one article claimed. I am seeing my shortcomings and making an effort to fix them for the sake of those I love. It takes a lot of God’s grace, all this seeing and fixing.

I’m not afraid the devil is going to jump off the page of my favorite enneagram book and possess me when I read about it, and I think you just need to be reasonable when learning what it teaches. Chew up the meat and spit out the bones, as my husband says, and isn’t that true of anything we read other than the Word of God? If it doesn’t line up with scripture, let it go.

So read it if it helps you. Close the book if it doesn’t. But remember that becoming a “better person” won’t get you to heaven. Only Jesus can do that.