Hearken

Lessons from Eve and Sarah

Last week I finished reading my Bible through, so this week I started back in Genesis. I don’t read straight through every time, and I often stop in the middle to study a topic that catches my interest. But every time I finish Revelation, there is something in me that wants to go back to the beginning. So I did.

I read through creation, the fall, Cain and Abel, Noah, the flood, the introduction of Abram and Sarai, and God’s covenant with Abram, which the Lord reiterated several times in just a few chapters.

In chapter 16, after God had made it abundantly clear that he would make a great nation of Abram’s descendants—the ones that came directly from his seed, even though his wife was barren and they were old and still had no child—Sarai got tired of waiting. She decided to take matters into her own hands. She gave Abram her maid, Hagar, and said go make a baby with her and I’ll count it as mine.

Verse 2 says,

And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai.

Abram “went in unto Hagar” and what follows is some serious soap-opera-worthy drama.

Hagar conceived and immediately despised Sarai. Sarai got miffed and told Abram it was all his fault. Abram shrugged and said, “Do whatever you want with her.” Sarai got ugly with Hagar, and Hagar “fled from her face.”

Hagar wound up in the wilderness nursing her emotional wounds. God found her there and said, “Go back to Sarai and submit yourself under her hands. I’m going to make a great nation of your son,” and all the stuff about Ishmael being a wild man and a fighter.

So Hagar went back to Sarai, and Ishmael was born and grew up in Abram’s house.

I knew I’d read that phrase about hearkening unto a wife somewhere else, so I went looking for it, and you know where I found it? In Genesis 3:17 when God was pronouncing judgment on Adam and Eve and the serpent after they ate of the forbidden tree:

And unto Adam he [God] said, Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife . . .

We’re only in the 16th chapter of Genesis, and twice now a man has hearkened unto the voice of his wife with less-than-stellar results. It’s almost enough to make you think God is telling men to never listen to their wives.

But let’s not be hasty. Back to Abram and Sarai.

Thirteen long years went by and Abram and Sarai heard not a peep from God. They knew he’d made a promise to them, but boy-howdy that’s a long time to wait and hear nothing.

Then when Abram was 99 (Ishmael was now 13), the Lord showed up again and once more repeated his covenant. He changed their names to Abraham and Sarah, and reiterated that their son (Isaac) would come from those two and no one else. He reminded Abraham that he would make a great nation of Ishmael too, but his covenant would be established through Isaac, the child who was born of Abraham and Sarah. Everything looked like it was straightened out, there were no misunderstandings, and everyone could just relax and watch God do all he said he would do. Since they were so old, it would have to be God who did it. There was no human, biological way they could produce a child.

Finally, in chapter 21 Isaac was born and everyone rejoiced that God’s promise had finally come to pass.

But wait . . . there’s more!

Sarah still had a little drama left in her. She saw Ishmael, the son of Hagar her maid, mocking her son Isaac, and it lit her right up. She told Abraham, “Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, even with Isaac.” I don’t know why Disney hasn’t made a movie about this.

The Bible tells us it was “very grievous” to Abraham, because, obviously, Ishmael was his son and had been for around 14 years or so. But God reassured him it would be okay and he would still make a great nation of Ishmael—in other words, he won’t die if you send him and his mother away.

And God told Abraham,

. . . in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice . . . (Genesis 21:12)

After his previous experience, I’m sure Abraham was a little hesitant to listen to his wife, but here was God telling Abraham to do just that. God was confirming that what she was saying was right, the best course of action.

Are we all confused yet?

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My perspective is probably different from a man’s because—newsflash—I’m not a man. I’m seeing this whole thing from a wife’s viewpoint. So what is the message to wives?

I think there are several.

1. Your husband will hearken to your actions.

Eve is not recorded as actually saying any words to Adam; she just “gave” him the fruit she was eating, and that was enough to persuade him to eat it too.

I’ve seen this in my own life. If I decide my husband needs to eat a certain thing or take a specific supplement to keep him healthy, I just hand it to him and he takes it. I put it on his plate and he eats it. Sometimes I blend it into a smoothie. He may not know what it is or that it’s even there, but he trusts me to give him what’s good for him.

Adam actually knew what his wife was giving him was forbidden, but he chose to follow her anyway.

2. Your husband will hearken to your emotions.

When Sarai and Hagar got in a snit over Ishmael’s birth, all Abram wanted to do was stay out of it, like backing away from a cat fight. He could see jealousy and anger were running at an all-time high, and he wanted no part of it. I’ve wondered if Abram was an #enneagram9—it appears all he wanted was peace. Keep your emotions away from me.

Now listen, I am not saying you should not have emotions or express them or share them with your husband. He needs to know all of you.

What I am saying is that you need to be able to recognize your emotions and know the thoughts they are rooted in (remember, behind every emotion is a thought) and where they are leading you. Emotions are real and they are God-given. They 100% get to be a passenger, but they don’t get to drive the family car. Learn some emotional regulation techniques and be able to have a conversation with your husband about what you are feeling and why. If you are out of control in the moment, wait until you’ve come down off the emotional peak to have a discussion about the real issue at hand.

Your emotions are not the problem: it’s always the thoughts behind them. Dig down to the thoughts and you can have good communication about what’s really going on.

3. Your husband will hearken to your words.

Sarai’s words held a lot of power over Abram. Even though he had a promise from God himself, in chapter 16 he listened to his wife when she tried to make it happen in her way, on her timeline.

I totally relate to this. I am the queen of giving God my ideas for how he can accomplish something. I like to think of it as helping God get stuff done. But guess what . . . he doesn’t need my help—and we’re all better off without it.

Wife, be careful what you say to your husband. Make sure it’s not rooted in worldly desires or impatience or unbelief. Stop before you speak and figure out what your true motive is.

Finally, remember that

. . . he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. (1 Corinthians 7:33)

You have a lot of sway when it comes to your husband. What a privilege! But with that privilege comes the responsibility to be careful about how you act, how you think, and what you say.