Four things

Which is like five things, but not really

Last time I wrote a “five things” post was at the end of June, so I feel like I can call this the fall edition, even though there are only four things. I don’t feel like I am cheating because I have a self-imposed 5 am deadline and brain-power is in short supply these days.

1. Parent care

You know what happens when you get to be 62, which I just turned a few weeks ago? If you are lucky, your parents are still alive and they are in their mid to upper 80s. Mine are both 88 this year. They’ve been very healthy their whole lives with just a few minor health blips, and we are thankful for that.

But as I said in a recent post, 88 is still 88, and bodies do begin to break down. So we are in that uncomfortable time of life where we need to care for our parents without treating them like children and preserving as much of their independence and autonomy as possible.

Have you walked that tightrope? It is dicey at best. Add to that the different personalities of their four children and spouses and throw in a touch of memory loss and you have the makings of a pretty exciting emotional roller coaster.

We are very blessed in that, even though we four siblings and our spouses are very different, we get along supremely and work together well. Two of the brothers live in the same town as my parents; one is about a mile away. That is so helpful, but we don’t want to assume they will take all the responsibility. So the third brother and I do a lot of driving—me during the week and him on the weekends.

All this to say the situation has taken up a lot of head space lately, and it’s hard to think of much else.

2. Trader Joe’s

I am a big fan of the Trader Joe’s, except for the tiny parking lots. If I had one locally, I would go there a lot for lovely produce and fun things like buffalo chicken dip and blueberry goat cheese and to hear them ring the bell, but the nearest one is in Charlottesville, a solid hour and a half away. So when I’m going through there, I stop in and buy large quantities of Mandarin Orange Chicken and Vegetable Fried Rice, both frozen.

This makes the greatest fast meal that I don’t have to think about or plan for, and in this season of life, that is a gift. Please find a TJ near you and go get some. You can thank me later.

3. The lake

If I’m not mistaken, this was the title of my least-favorite Sandra Bullock movie. It was dark and weird and so not like her. (My bad, it was “The Lake House.”) But it is also the place we went today.

Ben and I spent Saturday and Sunday driving to and from Northern Virginia so Ben could see my parents. Our plan for today was to get some things done on our still-not-quite-finished house, but like all good plans in the Sargent home, that changed.

I woke up feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and not knowing where to start, and Ben woke up and took a lot of money to a local farmer from whom we source grass-fed steers when we don’t have any of our own ready for orders. This guy raises beautiful animals and cares for them the way we do, so we feel good about buying from him.

I went to town for a few things, Ben came home and did something for work, and we both felt like we couldn’t get out of our own way. Finally Ben said, “Let’s go to the lake.”

So we threw caution to the wind and did the irresponsible thing. We unplugged (there isn’t enough cell service at the lake to get a text) and unwound and breathed deeply and relaxed. We only spent an hour there, but we took our chairs right down to the edge and sat with our feet in the water like we didn’t have a care in the world. It was exactly what we needed except when Ben forgot he just had rotator cuff surgery and tried to splash water on me. That did not go well. But other than that it was lovely.

Then we came home and he moved cows and I made dinner and life is looking up again.

4. A book

I am currently reading a book called The Dog Who Spoke with Gods and I simultaneously hate and love it. The basic story is of a young woman in a pre-med program at a research university hospital who falls in love with a dog who is one of the lab specimens. If you love dogs and great stories, I highly recommend it, but you need to have a strong stomach. I’m only halfway through, but I am hoping for a happy ending.

There is a fifth thing, but it is still in the being-cogitated stage, so I will save that for a future edition. It is a tiny thread that may tie together previous trauma and chronic neck pain and it is making a lot of things make sense. I can’t wait to share it.