Before your eyes

I don’t know about you, but sometimes my faith struggles. I know in my head that God is faithful and will provide for every need, but there are times when circumstances just look so bleak. I’ve prayed about a thing for so long and haven’t seen anything happen. I keep praying and looking for the answer I want to come. And it keeps not coming.

That’s a hard place to be. I want to have faith. I want to believe God hears even when he seems not to acknowledge that I’ve even opened my mouth. I want to have hope. But all I hear are crickets. For weeks, months, a year now. It’s hard. And then I read this:

“… Fear not, neither be discouraged.”

In the first chapter of Deuteronomy, after wandering around the desert waiting for a whole generation to die off, Moses was reminding the children of Israel of all they had come through and how God had been faithful to care for them all the way. He was pumping them up, giving them this little pep talk before they went into the Promised Land to possess it.

Don’t fear. Don’t be discouraged.

I’ve said before that God doesn’t tell us how to feel, only how to think, so why does he use these words? Isn’t this telling them how to feel?

The answer is in verse 30:

“The LORD your God which goeth before you, he shall fight for you …”

When God tells us how to feel, he will always give us a thought to base our feelings on. In this case, he reminds them that he goes before them and he will fight for them. That’s what to think that will produce the no fear.

That really doesn’t help me right now because it’s not a battle that I’m praying about. God fighting for me is great, but that’s not really what I’m asking for.

But the verse continues:

“… according to all that he did for you in Egypt before your eyes.”

God did amazing things to deliver Israel from bondage in Egypt and they all knew it. They saw it happen because he did it so they could see, before their eyes. He knew their (our—my) faith was weak, so he made sure they could see what he was doing and that they knew it was him doing it.

I don’t know about you, but I have seen God prove himself over and over to me all through my life. I’ve seen it with my eyes.

There was the time we had literally no money and the rent ($250) was due the next day. We got a note in the mail from a friend we hadn’t heard from in years who said he felt like the Lord was telling him to send us some money. He didn’t know why, but he hoped it was a blessing to us. Included with the note was a check for $250.

Then there was the time we were living in North Carolina and Ben was driving to Virginia for work each week—seven hours each way. He would drive up on Sunday afternoon, work all week and stay with a friend, then drive home on Friday after work, getting home around midnight. I was alone all week, and he was away all week. This was a drag on multiple levels. He did that for almost two years.

Then—and this was long before Covid and lockdowns and remote working—he started praying for a job where he could work from home. I thought he was crazy. There was no way anyone was going to hire him to work from home getting paid what he was earning at that time. Then one day a person he’d worked with years before emailed him out of the blue and said she really wanted him on her contract and that it was a remote position. And it came with a raise.

There was the time we had a skittish new calf that was outside the pasture and were trying to get him to go back in through the gate. Every time we moved he would jump in the wrong direction. Finally I prayed, “Lord, please make that calf walk right through the gate.” And just like that, he turned and walked calmly back into the pasture and started nibbling grass like nothing had happened.

There was the time my engagement ring went missing and I found it outside in the two-acre yard. One of the girls had been playing with it. What are the odds of finding a small ring in that big an area of grass? But God is better than odds.

I could go on for days but you get the picture. God does big and little things for us before our eyes, and then he reminds us of all he’s done. That’s why we should trust him. That’s why we should believe him. He doesn’t do these things because we’re so great or deserving, but because that’s who he is. That’s his character. That’s his great love for us. And that’s why he can tell us to not be afraid or discouraged.

His track record is perfect. His character is 100% good. He is always trustworthy. We don’t have to fear because he goes before us. He fights for us before our eyes.

I’ve been praying for a specific thing for all of 2022. I actually started in December 2021, asking God to make this thing happen in 2022. I declared it “the year of _______.” It has not happened yet and we’re now less than two weeks from the end of the year. I am trying not to lose hope. I know God can make it happen, but as the days pass it seems less and less likely.

And yet the God I pray to today is the same God who told the children of Israel not to be discouraged. At the beginning of the year my hope was that he would answer just like I asked. Now, I’m asking him to answer any way at all, just please let me know you hear. Show me some sign that you are doing something—anything—in this situation. Maybe he’s been waiting all year for me to get to this point. At the very least, he tells me not to be discouraged, not to let my feelings dictate what I know to be true.

My friend Tara Dickson says all the time “lift up your eyes.” So I am reminding myself to look for him. He may not be working in the way I want or anticipate, but I know he is there and he hears me and he is working, even if I don’t see it now. I am being intentional about watching. God is there. He is trustworthy and I will see him before my eyes if I’ll pay attention.