And give thee peace

a reminder for me

I don’t know what was going on last week, but something definitely was. I had therapy on Friday because I’d rescheduled it from Tuesday. No biggie, right?

But I struggled with everything that day. I woke up feeling off and out of sorts and it did not improve as the day went on. I told Ben as I was leaving that I was just going to cry it all out at therapy. I was only a little joking.

I could not even tell you what we talked about in therapy, but as I predicted, there were tears. E (my therapist) could see I was upset and struggling, so while I sat with my eyes closed and took some deep breaths trying to calm myself, she quietly prayed these words from Numbers 6 over me:

The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

It’s funny to me how a certain thing happens and I have no idea why, but I look back later and see God’s hand clearly working on my behalf.

Saturday evening I got a text from my sister-in-law saying that my mother was having an “episode” and they were taking her to the hospital. Without sharing all the gory details, we found ourselves in the ER with her in the middle of the night, thinking she’d had a stroke.

A couple of days and nights later, there are still no clear answers and my brothers and I are taking it minute by minute, trying to make the best decisions for our mother’s good. These situations are fraught with second-guessing.

Even after going through this very thing with Daddy just ten months ago, it is no easier and the path is not any clearer than it was back then. Our days of sitting together in the ICU swing from raucous laughter to heart-wrenching conversations about what Mom would want, a real-life roller coaster except without the fun.

But I keep hearing E’s voice saying,

The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: the Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: the Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

And I know he is doing all of that and more

A friend recently reminded us that God has already provided before we know we have a need. We know this is true because Isaiah told us,

And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear.

I’m not sure there is a point to all of this other than to remind myself that God is in yesterday, today, and tomorrow all at once. He knew yesterday what I will need tomorrow and he’s already provided it today.

And in this most difficult of times he is blessing me and keeping me. He is making his face shine upon me and being gracious to me. He is lifting up his countenance on me and he is most definitely giving me the peace he prepared for October 8, 2024, before I was even born.