About six months ago I became obsessed with the idea that David was the only person in the Bible called “a man after God’s own heart,” and it was God himself who referred to David that way. I kept asking the question, “what was it that made David so different? What did he do or not do that made him a man after God’s own heart? Or if it wasn’t something he did, what was he at his core that made him so special?” And since I am no Bible scholar, I decided the best thing I could do was read everything the Bible itself says about David. So I did.
I started in Genesis (I know, that’s a few thousand years too early, but I am nothing if not thorough) and began reading slowly. Instead of rushing to read through the whole Bible in a year which is what I used to do, I would read a little and think about it. I took notes. I journaled my thoughts about various people and situations. It was by far my favorite way to read the Bible, and I’m only just now at the end of 2 Kings. I’m not kidding when I say slow.
I have a few pages of notes about David’s actions and what we know about him based on what he wrote himself (many of the psalms). Let me say again, I am no Bible scholar. These are just my observations, from my viewpoint, as seen through the lens of all my own life experiences. You may come up with different conclusions because you see things through your own life lens. As always, YMMV.
The Bible describes David in 1 Samuel 16 as ruddy, having a beautiful countenance, and “goodly to look to.” It says he played the harp well, he was a valiant man and a man of war, which were highly valued in those days. It says he was prudent and beautiful in looks. Are these the things that set him apart as a man after God’s own heart? I don’t think so. There were other valiant men and I’m sure some were handsome. I don’t think this is it.
In 1 Samuel 17, David’s daddy sends him to check on his (older) brothers, who are fighting against the Philistines with Saul, the current king. The Bible says the men of Israel “were dismayed, and greatly afraid” of this crazy giant who kept threatening them across the valley. Goliath did this morning and evening for 40 days and apparently no Israelite man challenged him. They were too busy shaking in their sandals
So David shows up and sees what’s going on—remember he is not yet considered an adult, but a boy—and he is incredulous that all these valiant men are afraid and running away from the giant. He grabs a few stones and his sling and goes out to meet Goliath while all the “warriors” are cowering in fear.
When Goliath shows up, he laughs at this boy who thinks he’s so tough. But here’s what David says to him: “Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts . . . This day will the LORD deliver thee into mine hand . . . that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel.”
David didn’t just want to win for the sake of winning or to boost his own ego. He wanted God to win so all the earth would know who the one true God was. His motive was different.
So David slings a stone, it hits Goliath in the forehead, and the giant falls down dead. David looks like the hero, but his confidence was not in his own abilities—it was in the Lord. Is that what made him a man after God’s own heart? Again, I don’t think so. There have been masses of people whose confidence was in God over the centuries.
In the rest of 1 Samuel, here are some of the ways David is described: He behaved himself wisely. He sought the Lord’s guidance. He encouraged himself in the Lord. He defended the underdog and the weak and the helpless. His heart “smote him” because he’d cut off King Saul’s skirt in the cave—he had committed to honor the man who wanted to kill him because Saul was “the Lord’s anointed.” He took Abigail’s advice to not avenge himself. He referred to his own vengeance as “evil.”
For chapters and chapters, David goes around slaughtering God’s enemies, and God helps him do it. All the war. Then in 2 Samuel 9 he becomes the kind king, showing goodness to his friend Jonathan’s son. David’s kindness is mentioned more than once.
In chapter 11 there’s the whole thing with Bath-sheba. David’s sin is revealed and he repents. He suffers the consequences of his behavior. He’s human. He struggles with the same sins the rest of us do.
In 2 Samuel 18, he listens to wise counsel. He does not assume he knows everything, but instead shows humility and wisdom. Is this what made him a man after God’s own heart? I doubt it. Many men were humble and wise.
All these things I learned about David described his character, and certainly—except for the Bath-sheba incident— they were reflective of God’s character. But God wasn’t looking for a man after his own character. He was looking for a man after his own heart. He even says in 1 Samuel 16, “… for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.”
Let’s keep going.
In the midst of all this fighting and war and conquering, there is a problem at home. One of David’s sons, Amnon, rapes his sister Tamar. Amnon’s brother Absalom takes her in to protect her and plans secret revenge against Amnon.
Absalom (David’s son) orders his buddies to kill Amnon (also David’s son, but by a different mother), which they do. Amnon is dead. David mourns for his son Amnon, and Absalom flees for refuge to his grandfather and stays with him three years.
Finally David brings Absalom home, but he won’t allow Absalom in his presence. Basically, he says you can live in the castle with me but I don’t want to see your face. This goes on for two years before David calls for Absalom and they reunite.
But those two years took their toll and Absalom’s bitterness ran deep. He started recruiting David’s men to his side and over the course of 40 years, he “stole the hearts of the men of Israel.” When it became apparent that Absalom would not stop short of killing his father David, David fled with his closest servants. Fled from his own son.
It all came to a head and there would be a battle between David’s men and his son Absalom. Before his men went out, David said, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man, even with Absalom.”
Notice David said “for my sake.” He wanted them to go easy on his son because his father heart couldn’t handle what he knew his son deserved.
So the battle was raging and Absalom was riding a mule through the woods. His head got caught in a branch and the mule kept going and Absalom hanged himself in an oak tree. This should have been good news.
But word got back to David and instead of being relieved that his enemy was dead, David cried:
“Oh my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would God I had died for thee, O Absalom, my son, my son!”
Did you catch that? “Would God I had died for thee . . .”
David’s son was wicked toward him. He wanted his father’s kingdom. He wanted to rule. He was manipulative and conniving. He didn’t care one single bit about his father as a person or a beloved parent, and he would have killed him if he had the chance. He was actively trying to.
And yet David—not as the king or a valiant man or a warrior, but as a loving father, a daddy—wished he could have died in his place.
“Would God I had died for thee . . .”
And that right there is the heart of God—willing to die for us, his wicked, sinful sons and daughters, knowing we did not deserve his mercy but desperate to give it to us anyway. Willing to take our full punishment in order to have us back. Who else has a heart like that?
David wanted to, but he couldn’t actually do it. He couldn’t die in Absalom’s place.
But God could. And he did.
He came to earth as 100% God and 100% man, Jesus, Emmanuel, “God with us.” He lived a sinless life for 33 years and became the perfect sacrifice to pay the price for our sin.
The great exchange. His life for mine. It’s as if Jesus took my diary of my whole sinful life and put his name on it, and then took his diary of his whole perfect life and put my name on it.
He became my sin. I became his righteousness.
What made David a man after God’s own heart? They both knew what it was like to want to die for their child.
David wished he could die for his son.
God actually did it.
Wow, I love this insight.